Here are some parenting tips adapted from Dr. Katrina Wood’s psychotherapy blog:
Your child needs a wise parent, not another friend. Establish boundaries, structure and consequences. Deliver consequences calmly, compassionately and promptly.
Don’t assume you know everything about your child. You don’t.
Begin your talks with an affirmation. Validate what your child is trying to say. Listen without judgment to understand their feelings and validate their emotions. Focus on building their confidence and self-esteem.
Children need daily contact and communication from their parents. This is more true than ever with smartphones and tablets that bring so many distractions. Set limits on screen time and ensure children and teens get enough sleep each night.
Be touchy-feely: Hugging and touching your child is far more important than previously known.
Children feel loneliness and pain more than has previously been acknowledged or understood. Ask them how they are feeling about both the little things in life and the big events. Let them know you are interested in their experiences.
Never ask your child to keep secrets for you.
Never ever threaten your child with abandonment, even in jest.
Be present, not overbearing: Be involved and supportive without hovering. Avoid helicopter parenting.
Set clear house rules: Establish and communicate clear expectations, allowing for your children’s input on how to meet those goals.
Don’t use money to “buy” or bribe your child. This gives your child a template for manipulating you. Say: “I love you, I understand your frustration, but I cannot buy you this toy.”
Keep your temper. Adopt an even non-judgmental tone. Remain calm when disagreements arise. If you feel uncontrollable anger coming on, give yourself a time out.
Come to terms with the fact that your children feel pain and loneliness and shame more than you know. Validate your children’s fear and anxiety.
Give age-appropriate responses to your child’s questions and expression of feelings. Do not over-explain. Sometimes less is more.
Have open and honest conversations about important issues such as drugs, alcohol, smoking and sex. Discussing sexuality is often an amorphous, disorienting and scary challenge for both parent and child. Ongoing talks at various stages of a youngster’s life are ideal ways to establish a comfort zone and normalize these important yet engaging conversations.
If your teen grows to become part of the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) community, you need to be ready to embrace that child with acceptance, support and love.
If you feel overwhelmed as a parent, seek help. This is your right and responsibility. Reach out for parenting support or consider seeking help from mental health professionals.
Take time for yourself. Just like on an airplane, put the oxygen mask on first, so you are able to take care of your child. Manage your own stress.
> View more parenting tips for preteens and teens (Child Mind Institute).
> View video tips from thrivingmindsmontessori
Time is on your side
“Fully being with your child, wanting nothing, is quality time,” wrote the childhood educator Magda Gerber in her book “Dear Parent: Caring for Infants with Respect.”
A single-focus technique formulated by Gerber still applies today. It is easily applied: Turn off the cell phone and the TV. Sit with your child for 15 minutes every day. Listen to whatever the youngster wants to talk about. Commune via play. Laugh. Follow the child’s lead.
Another managed-time concept is the 7-7-7 parenting rule. This suggests dedicating seven minutes of undivided attention to your child in the morning, seven hours in family activities each week, and seven days each year for family bonding experiences. Another concept that goes by the same label breaks down parenting into developmental phases: the first seven years for play; the next seven years (7-14) for teaching; and the final seven years (14-21) for guiding.